


Wolfsbane v. Monkshood

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [58]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angry Sex, Crack, Drabble, F/M, Ghost Sex, Ghosts, Humor, M/M, Other, Snark, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, Wolfsbane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:11:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There Snape was, in the afterlife, enjoying an episode of his favorite teen supernatural drama, when he was suddenly accosted by a disturbing realization:  these idiots didn't know the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane.</p><p>Something had to be done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wolfsbane v. Monkshood

**Scott:**  So one of the ingredients in this bottle of lube is ‘Aconite’. Do you think that has anything to do with Derek’s sudden collapse and/or death?

 **Snape:**  *appearing in a puff of smoke* DUNDERHEAD!

*Snape disappears*

 **Scott:**  That was weird, right? It seemed kinda weird.

 **Stiles:**  Yeah. Weird. So.  Lube?

 

**Epilogue:**

**Snape:**  *pacing* I mean, it is literally the second thing I teach first years. First: fear. Second: monkshood, wolfsbane and aconite are all the SAME BLOODY THING. I mean, according to Joanne, those books are very popular among the teenage Muggle set.  So you would think that ONE of them would have read the bloody things! If they take NOTHING else away from my class they should AT LEAST be able to remember the FIRST THING I SAID. On the FIRST DAY. Not that I didn’t come back to it enough for the rest of the curriculum. Honestly, it was ‘wolfsbane this’ and ‘wolfsbane that’. There was A LOT of emphasis on BLOODY WOLFSBANE and ITS EFFECT ON WEREWOLVES. And yet! AND YET!!!

 **Lily:**  I know. But Severus—

 **James:**  Let’s face it. Some people try to block your existence from their memories.

 **Lily:**  And others are too distracted by how sexy your voice is and miss the actual words. I’m looking at you, James.

 **James:**  Oh, like you never got off to one of his boring lessons on ‘infusions’.

 **Lily:**  Quite. So, sex? That always calms you down, Severus.

 **Snape:**  True. Do you know how surly I was for those 17 bloody years between our deaths? I mean, hate sex is great, but Lupin and Black had so much freaking relationship drama that it was almost never worth—

 **James:**  Ha! Don’t even pretend you weren’t shagging that Lucius Malfoy. That man’s ass is…

 **Severus:**  Oh, all right. But still. His stamina was abysmal. Damn inbred family. The whole lot of them couldn’t get it up long enough to…

 **James:**  The whole—?

 **Snape:**  Shut up and take your pants off!

 **James:**  Yes sir!

 **Severus:**  Oh it is nice to hear a Potter say that unironically again. Well? What are you waiting for? Put on the damn gimp suit! I don’t have all bloody day, you know. I hear Lupin finally got through security at the gate, so I fully intend to go down there with Black and try my luck at showing those DUNDERHEADS how a REAL kinky yet adorable werewolf threesome is done.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
